Self-critic Extraordinaire Gifts

"You look like I need a drink."

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

Bertolt Brecht

'Sure I talk to myself. It's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation round here.'

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

'Someone stole my identity, didn't like it and sent it back.'

Psychiatry. I keep thinking the same bad thoughts over and over! An "emotional baggage carousel"!

"He's brilliant, exactly like me, and a lower paid version."

'Relax! I just read somewhere that 142 pounds is the new 125!'

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

"Yes, but why did they use a picture that makes me look fat?!"

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

"There you go, self-mythologizing your childhood again!"

"The kids at school were fine - I just keep taunting myself about never producing a great body of work."

I call it "Self-portrait in Quicksand."

'No no, I'm fine. Just indulging in a little bit of mid-afternoon navel gazing.'

'Your surveillance videos always make me look fat.'

"Stop bleating, it's all ewe,ewe,ewe!"

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

Capitalism Sucks but Money is Okay!

"I've finished shovelling and am for the most part satisfied with the results, but I'll rest now and look at it again in the morning."

"It's very me, but I hate myself."

'Such feelings of inadequacy are not unusual in a person of your insignificant.'

Oh, I don't have a wife and kids. These are mirrors.

'Don't make my nose too big!'

Narcissus looks at his reflection in a pool of water; he is wearing a shirt that reads "Narcissus" written backwards so that he can read it properly in his reflection

'In closing, I'd like to quote myself.'

"If I were a narcissist, I assure you I would be the first to know!"

'He's going to say how good I look for my age.' -- 'He needs to give up smoking, drinking, do more exercise, take up swimming...' -- 'LIES!'

"I can talk about myself for hours on end. If you want to go for more, that's fine..."

"I might take a rain check."

"With this film, I finally enter the front ranks of American moviegoers."

'I'm not doing much. I'm just ego surfing. I'm looking up my name on several search engines.'

Institute for the study of hypocrisy.