Self-care Gifts

"Everything I know about self-care, I learned from you."

"Have you ever tried buying lots of stuff?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"Try thinking about something else."

To Do List: Get out of bed.

"These feelings of inadequacy are common among the inadequate."

'Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.'

Depressed, not sleeping, low self esteem... still enough about me, what about you?

Doctors to screen for depression.

"You seem so chill!"

"They're for emotional protection."

"No, I don't need an alarm clock - anxiety is my alarm clock."

"Relax, they're just worry warts."

"If you don't have weights at home, try using canned food or the psychological burden of simply existing in this world!"

'I'll grow old gracefully when I want to and not any sooner.'

'You know you're 40 when...'(women)

The Tragedy of Prosperity

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

'Do you have one with a bigger back burner? There's a lot of stuff I can't deal with right now.'

An obsession with drugs,delusions of power,paranoid tendencies...still enough about me what can I do for you?

Deep tissue massage.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Electrolysis Center

"You've caught me at a bad time. I was just shaving my legs."

"Don't disturb mum, she's recharging."

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

'Lies! Nothing but lies!'

"The Five Major Warning Signs of Baldness."

'Plastic Surgery, come as you are and leave as you wish'

'See you later, Honey.'

Beat Fatigue - Stay in Bed.

'Having investment jitters when the market is not experiencing jitters, is perfectly normal.'

Adam was determined to have a nice, white smile for his big date that night.

'Like the Brazilian?'

'There, there, Mrs Hornsby. Many women your age go through menopausal facial hair growth.'