Self-care Gifts

"Everything I know about self-care, I learned from you."

"Have you ever tried buying lots of stuff?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"Try thinking about something else."

To Do List: Get out of bed.

"These feelings of inadequacy are common among the inadequate."

'Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.'

Depressed, not sleeping, low self esteem... still enough about me, what about you?

Doctors to screen for depression.

"You seem so chill!"

"They're for emotional protection."

"Relax, they're just worry warts."

"No, I don't need an alarm clock - anxiety is my alarm clock."

"If you don't have weights at home, try using canned food or the psychological burden of simply existing in this world!"

'I'll grow old gracefully when I want to and not any sooner.'

The Tragedy of Prosperity

'You know you're 40 when...'(women)

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

'Do you have one with a bigger back burner? There's a lot of stuff I can't deal with right now.'

Deep tissue massage.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

An obsession with drugs,delusions of power,paranoid tendencies...still enough about me what can I do for you?

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

Electrolysis Center

"You've caught me at a bad time. I was just shaving my legs."

'See you later, Honey.'

'Having investment jitters when the market is not experiencing jitters, is perfectly normal.'

"The Five Major Warning Signs of Baldness."

'Like the Brazilian?'

Beat Fatigue - Stay in Bed.

'Plastic Surgery, come as you are and leave as you wish'

'Lies! Nothing but lies!'

'There, there, Mrs Hornsby. Many women your age go through menopausal facial hair growth.'

'We can remove the hair from your back. Yes, your husband's back, too!'

Me Multitasking