Seeking Scholarship Pillows

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Continuing education.

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Bribes for Jabs

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

Morton's pride was understandable. He was the first in the Pinhead Family to ever graduate.

Pinara fund

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

Baseball players and their qualifications.

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

'It's the only way I can afford this place.'

"Sorry, but you need at least a Masters to get into the Deep Woods."

A girl climbs a ladder of books

Student Debt

1/2 Full Foundation: Optimists only need apply.

Hey, Twig! Why so blue? Everyone's into awesome stuff this summer. Math camps. Leadership programs. Studies abroad. A bunch of resume padders. Yeah, They're grinds. What about you? Nothing special. Just volunteering. Where? At a rain forest project in Costa Rica. That's look so lame on your college application.