Seeking Guidance Prints

'Am I the decision maker, dear?'

'The Master goes to seek wisdom from a higher power!'

'I see a tall, dark stranger who will completely ignore you but sleep with your best friend'

"I need to see the Father."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

A push in the right direction: 50c.

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

Brownie Points

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

'I seriously doubt if you've attained Nirvana yet - You've only been fasting and meditating for fifteen minutes.'

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

'I'll get the bastard who said this was a short cut to the Post Office!'

"I want to be a Jockey."

"I feel like he doesn't respect me."

"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

"Hard morning, Pastor?"

'Well General? What is today's inspirational message from your mother?'

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

'It's my husband, Doctor. He makes me sick!'

I'He used to star in porno films. Now he can only get aroused if he has an audience.'

'Just think of me as your life coach.'

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

Two words, my friend...Yak dung.

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

"Okay, once again. I'm your pastor, not your 'guru'."