Sedentary Lifestyle Guru Pillows

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

But is it organic?

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Chair looks couch potato friendly!"

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

Perfection

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

'Cut back on the women and song. You can still have the wine though.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"Remember me? I'm your running shoes. Remember what running is?"

"A deep-fried bone is taking it too far!"

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

"Obesity is neither contagious or genetic, and yet, it is passed on, from parents to children."

"I'm afraid that walking to the refrigerator 5 or 6 times a day does not count as exercise."

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

"There's too much fibre in your diet! Your roots are showing!"

"I do feel a lot better since we switched to the trans-fat free oil."

Use it or lose it.

'American, idle.'

'Four thousand packets of the new anti-obesity drug, please'

'12 varieties of pizza does NOT constitute a 'varied diet'.'

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.'