Security System Geek Prints

"Did you remember to turn on the alarm?"

'Wi-fi-fo-fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman!'

'Next time you lose your keys, lets call a locksmith instead of blow torching the door.'

"Uh, oh! We've got a problem! This safe has a childproof lock."

Welcome Mat

'Where was the TSA?'

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

"I think earth's antivirus software expired."

CCTV in church.

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"Honey, our pop-up blocker stopped working again."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

Automation of Security

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"I just installed a home security monitor."

'Halt! User name and password.'

ACL-To Hell With-U.

'D'you ever get that uncanny feeling we're not being watched.'

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'