Security Protocol Satirist Prints

'This will hurt you more than it will hurt me.'

The Department of Transportation Issues an Orange Alert.

"Hello, national security agency? Send me all you have on Walter J. Conklin."

Airport Security.

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Now you can send it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

'for more obit info, go to...'

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

How to create a password you can remember...

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

"Today, charges that Putin hacked Trump's tweets..."

Munich Security Conference

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

'Hello, security.'

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

Peep-A-Boo Spyware: 'Your Privacy is Our Eminent Domain!'

It's your replacement for 'Nimrod'!

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

"Sorry Brian, bit of a rush this morning - I've left my face in the car."

Airport security - next step?

Lies on the Internet

'No thanks. This patch stops me craving for superflous functions.'

"No, he's not a security risk ... he just loves the pat-downs."

STRIP Hambone: Woman referred to as software

"You now fit all mobile devices!"

White Apple

Busker ignored because of the rise of MP3 players.

Beware of the teddy