Security Protocol Enthusiast Pillows

"You're confusing me with someone else. I'm in Document Destruction and I just need to get to your shredder bin."

'Where was the TSA?'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

Decontamination

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

The Ayatollah Bomb?

Biro Security

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

'Halt! User name and password.'

Every time I try to warn people about the threat level, they say, surely, you jest.