Security Expert Pillows

"You know, you can do this just as easily online."

"No doubt you're asking yourself, what are hatches? And how the heck does one go about battening them down?"

'I know where you live!'

'Remember Spike, he gets a 1/2 hour lunch. ONe minute more and you attack!'

Big finger print trying to forge a cheque but he can't.

Ninja convention

"Pirates!"

'Simmons mentioned something about a hole in our security...please don't tell me this is the hole, and by the way, where is Simmons?'

How to create a password you can remember...

Selling Home Security Systems.

'You're in charge of Homeland Security...do something.'

"It's not empty, stupid! You're looking at 3 million in Bitcoin!"

Keys Under the Mat

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

'A password isn't enough. It wants a username.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'The paper shredder would have kept your old bank details just as secure, darling!'

'The bad news is that I've forgotten the password for my encrypted flash drive.'

'Please look them over very carefully, Mr. Lamson, and let us know if you see the man who stole your identity.'

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

They were all out of sharks

'The Mayor gave me the security key to the city.'

"Gated communities are fine, but we just feel safer with a moat."

'Bernie's not really a transvestite -- he's just paranoid about identity theft.'

Burglar asked to open chastity belt

'Yes I suppose it is a bit more fiddly than a crooklock...'

"I stole a smart car and it took me straight to the police department."

'We're in trouble. I've negotiated with a poker face, but never with an encrypted face!'

"Then I ask the kids for their address and security system code – so's I won't trip the alarm."

The world of surveillance.

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

'Don't worry. . . I've got him under control!'

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

"We expect Putin any minute now..."

Europe: Stop Terrorism!