Security Expert Pillows

"You know, you can do this just as easily online."

"No doubt you're asking yourself, what are hatches? And how the heck does one go about battening them down?"

'I know where you live!'

'Remember Spike, he gets a 1/2 hour lunch. ONe minute more and you attack!'

Big finger print trying to forge a cheque but he can't.

Ninja convention

"It's not empty, stupid! You're looking at 3 million in Bitcoin!"

"Pirates!"

'Simmons mentioned something about a hole in our security...please don't tell me this is the hole, and by the way, where is Simmons?'

How to create a password you can remember...

Selling Home Security Systems.

'You're in charge of Homeland Security...do something.'

'The bad news is that I've forgotten the password for my encrypted flash drive.'

'The paper shredder would have kept your old bank details just as secure, darling!'

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

Keys Under the Mat

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'A password isn't enough. It wants a username.'

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

The world of surveillance.

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

'Don't worry. . . I've got him under control!'

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

"Then I ask the kids for their address and security system code – so's I won't trip the alarm."

"Gated communities are fine, but we just feel safer with a moat."

They were all out of sharks

'The Mayor gave me the security key to the city.'

'Bernie's not really a transvestite -- he's just paranoid about identity theft.'

Burglar asked to open chastity belt

'Yes I suppose it is a bit more fiddly than a crooklock...'

"I stole a smart car and it took me straight to the police department."

'We're in trouble. I've negotiated with a poker face, but never with an encrypted face!'

Europe: Stop Terrorism!

Eurocopa 2016

"We expect Putin any minute now..."