Security Aficionados T-Shirts

'Now we come to step 86 of how to enter your new computer logins.'

MRI Airport Security

Flight attendants' night out.

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

Two dogs in yard with barbed wire whilst another dog scales a ladder.

"No wonder she couldn't get through the metal detector...she's got braces!"

'Where was the TSA?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"It says 'beware of robot dog.'"

"I'm so glad we don't need a selfie stick."

CCTV in church.

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

Biro Security

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

'Arnold, blow the whole depot, then hightail it out of here.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

'Halt! User name and password.'

Beware of dog armed with cloaking device.

ACL-To Hell With-U.