Securities Analysis T-Shirts

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

The Anti-Agent

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

Build Your Own Portfolio

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

Cut Price

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'

Will work for ETFs

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

'The recession is over, again.'

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.