Secondhand Smoker Chuckler Pillows

I smoked for thirty years but I've given it up....

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

World of Cow.

"Since I've gone over to roll-ups I find I can get by on just one cigarette a day!"

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

"The cookies are always stale."

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Erm...what the hell is cud, anyway?

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

"I keep getting into a flap."

"Someone should tell her...her breath will smell bad after this."

'Let's put it this way, part of you was offside!'

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

101 uses of a dead cat: pipe tamper.

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight...'

Merry Christmas

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

'Your dog's paper trained too, huh?'

'Not only do you need to quit smoking, but you need to quit doing it like THAT!' a guy is drawing off of cigarrette through his nostril.

Father Parrot: 'One day Son, this will all be yours.'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

"They say the mortality rates could be as high as 3%..Better buy more toilet rolls!"

Couch - Soft, squishy and voluminous organism whose unusual mode of reproduction involves locating itself near a television set and secreting a skin-absorbed retrovirus containing couch-genes.

"Is it true, cows have four stomachs?"

Break Area: Smoking and Chocolate.

'Talk about tough — he uses Surgeon-General's warning labels to roll his own.'

Man emphasizing that he has quit

Clancy: Women and Horse-Racing

"You never know until you try!"