Second Act Searcher Pillows

"If I wanted to reboot my career, I wouldn't have retired in the first place."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Joan Hickson

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

Silver Fox

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"What I mean is what do you do with yourself all day?"

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

Real Estate Personals

"No guarantees, right?"

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

'Music hath charms,' &c.

Melanie Griffith

Welcome to a Sleepy Little Town - name available on request.

"This one's for me."

'Good morning Miss...'

Jacqueline Bisset caricature

"I wish I could help you, but you're on the set of a hospital soap opera."

"This is a cover of a song that was perfect in its original form. Apologies in advance."

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

Morgan Freeman

My name is Bob and my laptop crashed! Tech Support Groups.

'What's the night life-like?

They're nice, but they lack the charm of an older home

"You have no idea how refreshing it is to meet someone raffish in West Hartford."

"Ever since I got married women find me attractive."

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

I'll catch up to you --- I just need my second wind.

Mathew Maconaughy

'...and, if I don't get a place, I'll kill myself.'

"Mr. Peanut is my dad—you can call me Rick."