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'Here's a very sentimental script about a policeman.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

Mensa Does Improv

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Hollywood producer.

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Hollywood producer.

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Dip Pen

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Actor practising his indian war crys

'Hang on a minute...'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

TV Situations vacant.

"Don't forget the screenplay."