Scriptures Pillows

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

'Now hold it right there, Eve. I wear the plants in this family.'

"Kinky."

Moses on the web

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"Hey! These are still good!!"

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Jesus wept

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'