School Master Pillows

'Mr. Pilbeam will be your new elite geography teacher this term.'

'Which side of this cake is the left side?'

"How do I know you're a school master? The leather patches on the elbows for starters"

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

Yummy Mummies

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

'Long term I want student achievement to increase. Short time I want a cup of coffee and a biscotti.'

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

A new schoolmaster testing students on geography

Teacher's Inbox: In One Ear/Out The Other

"This may take a minute as my mom's menu options have changed."

"Your spelling, grammar and typography are all dreadful... Do you really want to end up as a cartoonist when you're older..??

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

Principal: You are here, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

'Well if you're sick of seeing me here, and I'm sick of coming in here,let's call a truce!'

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

"...and smoking is forbidden behind the scooter shed"

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

Books on running a successful school,

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

Naughty schoolboys fight behind teacher's back in old fashioned school.

"About these experiements of yours into genetic cloning, Bond" boomed the Headmaster, "They must cease immediately"

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'

"By God, you're not a man who's afraid to fail."

"I'll explain later."

"Pal, you're a guitar lesson flyer in a math tutor part of town."

"Mr. Stilz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask Kelley to ask Dawn to ask Lisa to tell you he'd like to see you in his office."