School Governor Pillows

Since we initiated staff development, we've turned the school around 360 degrees.

Ethics exam cheater.

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

I will study my speling words...

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

POP goes the weasel, Collin, not ka-boom splat.

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

"Isn't there an app for this?"

'One more curse out of you, young man, and it's right down to the principal's office.'

"How can I be a lead learner without the technology needed to lead?"

'WE use these computers to gather and organise data for our school district and, on a slow day, to play solitaire.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

Yummy Mummies

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"He was sent here from the future to terminate me, but then he really got into grilling."

The Re-Opening of Schools

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

'This handheld computer is very useful for teaching. It displays my lesson plan, calander, key files, and an extensive menu of put-downs for hecklers and classroom clowns.'

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."