School Comedy Connoisseur Pillows

'I didn't want to peak too soon.'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

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"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'He likes to power nap.'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

The Trojan Beagle.

Happy Hour

Bangers and Mash

Emergency Phone.

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The Snarky District

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."