Scholarly Satirist T-Shirts

'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'

"I got an 'A' in hopelessness and a 'B' in missed opportunities."

Bachelors and Masters degrees.

Thomas Carlyle

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"You're fired."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Torturing the English Language

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

Trump pardons

UK border controls relaxed.

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

No-Work Orange

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Ghostwriting the Bible

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

CIA report

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.