Satirical Pundits T-Shirts

John Bolton.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Skeptic Tank.

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Reverse psychology

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

National Living Wage from April 1st.

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Picking the right ethnicity of your nanny is the single-hardest part of being a mother these days."

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Executive Towers: Sorry, No Room Left At The Top!

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'