Satirical Medicine Gifts

'What can you give me for my liver?' 'A pound of onions!'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

Virtual Doctor

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'

'I don't know about this new computer inventory system. It just ordered a thousand left handed four fingered surgical gloves.'

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."