Satirical Linguist Mugs

"Our company has a green culture and a passion for the brand marking this a better world!"

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Gee, thanks pal."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

Strainspotting

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

German School

"I'd like to have a word with you about this spirit animal."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.