Satirical Dining Mugs

"Hello, my name is Roberto, and I will be your enabler this evening."

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

Intolerant Chef

Commie Chef.

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"Never mind the cost of living crisis, dear, you still need your 5-a-day."

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."

'What's the special?'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."