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The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Goes To College

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Trappist Monk Discord

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

Introducing...Anagraman.

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

Mighty Man Of Justice Is Born

'What does it say, Dad?'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"My calculations are complete. We could toast 12,000 marshmallows every day for every person on earth for 36,000 years with one solar flare."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'As you can see,we run a completely paperless office.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"That's just the end of the panel, girl."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

'That was quite a snow storm last night.'

Boardroom sacrifice - 'Then we agree - the shareholders don't have to know what transpired here today.'