Satanic Satire Lovers Gifts

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

Hades Movie Awards After Show. The dealy sins were all here -- They love walking the red carpet! Pride won tonight for a leading role and envy won for a supporting role. Wrath was seen yelling at at the paparazzi ... Lust tried to meet beautiful actresses ... and Gluttony rushed off to the buffet. Greed is already counting all the money he'll make because he won an award. And when sloth won, he received the night's biggest ovation ... because he was too lazy to give an acceptance speech!

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

Hamlet.

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

"In my spare time, I write reviews on Goodreads."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

Almost got away with it, until he tried to bury the body and dug a little too deep.

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

And on the seventh day He rested

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

Spawn of Satan on board.

Some other sins you may enjoy.

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

"Two bars—how about you?"

'Really? A Bride of Satan? Golly, Lucille, why did you wait until our fourth date to tell me you were already married?'

"It appeals to pride, greed, lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice."

Sacrifices at 4:00PM and 6:00PM

'Okay, now...while holding down the commandment key, type in the number ten.'

Heaven Mk. II.

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

'Pig flu??!'

"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."

Man in Hell, 'Well, I gotta tell ya, layers is NOT the answer.'

"Ms. Johnson, bring in your steno pad. Also, a new keg."

'There goes my New Year's resolution to be a better person.'

'I'm not really a guru. I'm just here due to a tax loophole my accountant cooked up.'