Satanic Satire Lovers Gifts

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

Hamlet.

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

Almost got away with it, until he tried to bury the body and dug a little too deep.

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

"In my spare time, I write reviews on Goodreads."

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

"Two bars—how about you?"

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

'Really? A Bride of Satan? Golly, Lucille, why did you wait until our fourth date to tell me you were already married?'

Sacrifices at 4:00PM and 6:00PM

"It appeals to pride, greed, lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice."

Heaven Mk. II.

'Pig flu??!'

Man in Hell, 'Well, I gotta tell ya, layers is NOT the answer.'

"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."

"Ms. Johnson, bring in your steno pad. Also, a new keg."

'There goes my New Year's resolution to be a better person.'

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

'There! The sun is done.....I think I'll call it a day.'

'I'm not really a guru. I'm just here due to a tax loophole my accountant cooked up.'