Sassy Humor Enthusiast Prints

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

Clone Factory

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Pokemon Get Lost

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Inactivists"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Trump Tariffs

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

Small Government Is Here

Vocabulary Glossary for Libya

Prescription Drugs '96.

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."

BP is compensating those affected by the black tide in Gulf of Mexico...