Sarcastic Techies Mugs

'Have you tried turning yourself on then off again?'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

Didn't we fire you last week?

Peep-A-Boo Spyware: 'Your Privacy is Our Eminent Domain!'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

'Tap water?! As if.'

I think that computer might be giving out a little too much heat... Energy efficient IT systems.

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

'To be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up with all this new technology.'

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"Thanks for your meaningful application. When can you start?"

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

"I hope you don't think that music while I waited soothed me."

'Well, it's been nice talking to you, even if you are a recording.'

"So, we've processed your loan application and I'm afraid that it doesn't look too promising!"

I wandered lonely as a cloud in the shape of an insufferable jerk no one could stand to be around.

People who ghosted me

Weight loss programme.

"You should have called me earlier."