Sarcastic Recycler Gifts

"It's his contribution to the environment"

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'Caesar salad?'

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"No Littering" sign in space.

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"Will you stop doing that please? Isn't it obvious to you that I just don't fancy him?!"

"The only way I lost a few ounces with my activity tracker was when I took it off."

'Republican Valentines' They really love the word 'NO!'

"It's a sampler, like everything else in my life."

'I agree, Hadley, we've seen very little of each other but that's what I intended when I divorced you.'

"I'm at my wits end."

'I know 24 ways to kill a man - add another if I don't get a drink.'

'It's a 'don't get well' card from the temp who now has your job at the office.'

Mower Fraud!

'Dang, I told him to take a shower before we sacrificed him to the volcano god!'

How to be more passive-aggressive, if that's what you really want.

"And you can forget about a decent bagel."

'Of course I recycle. I previously dated Kent here back in 1998.'

"Healthy Self-Talk for Dumb Stupid Idiots."

"I tried a slice of pizza yesterday, and frankly I don't get it."

"Wrap it up, sir. Schadenfreude visiting hours are almost over."

"How's the divorce going?"

'Fine, thank you. And how are you?'

'I appreciate all of your opinions... I just don't want to hear them.'

'No hand signals ... but I may empty my ash tray from time to time.'

'Tell them we're temporarily out of deep concern. Will they settle for shallow compassion?'

"Happy birthday or whatever, Mary. Now make yourself useful and fetch me something to eat." "Geez, Nancy."

"No, I have not let Jesus into my life, as he might ring the doorbell when I'm dozing on the sofa."

I am delighted to add my heartfelt comments ton my stay at this exceptional hotel - indeed I wish I had a better command of language - 'Absolutely disgusting' just isn't strong enough!

"Christmas is like a day at work? You do all the work and a fat guy in a suit gets all the credit."

'He's consoling his debts.'