Sarcastic Humor Mugs

'I only read it for the articles about naked women.'

'Excuse me - could you please get out of my way - I've got a baby.'

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

Exciting potato bugs.

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Redhead

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

How About Serving Us For a Change

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

Men working (part time).

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

"It floated. I want my money back."

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."