Sarcastic Humor Fan Prints

"I find the yoga helps me to be more irritating."

"We stand behind all our vehicles. Sometimes we even help push."

"That's the fourth husband she's put in the ground without any concern for what it's doing to the environment."

'Good news!...I've set up a generous profit sharing plan for all of you.'

"Wanna play chess, Baldo?"

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'I just assumed you'd have a non-smoking section.'

'Science proves that some people are in fact a complete waste of time and space.'

Men working (part time).

"I knew it was a mistake to order our wedding cake from your ex-husband's bakery!"

"What a nice old tree! Let’s carve a heart with our initials in it." "Oh, yes, how romantic! Wound an innocent life-form you know nothing about. God, I hate people."

"It floated. I want my money back."

'I think I'll just leave a hate tip,'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Hey. Shouldn't you be lying at the FOOT of the bed?"

"Are you relaxing before a meal, or having a nap after lunch?"

'On the plus side we are creating new markets because of the side effects!'

'Look on the bright side — if anything else ever happens, we've got a terrific alibi!'

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Once again, as he had each autumn for the past seventeen years, Lionel secures his title as the world's wimpiest man.

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

'No! I've learned my lesson. No more blind dates for me.' 'But Jenny's different. She doesn't even have a nice personality.'

"Do you want me to empty the ashtray over your head now?"