Sarcastic Humor Appreciator T-Shirts

Virtual Exercise

"A vegetarian option...? Certainly Madam, through the door on your left."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Pharaoh Cocoon

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

Exciting potato bugs.

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Nice haircut."

Redhead

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

A recent study found that scarecrows now actually attract birds. Experts blame it on millions of littering slobs.

'I'm taking vacation next week. And wouldn't you know it, the wife wants to go on a cruise.'

Men working (part time).

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I got the promotion. Instead of Wednesdays, I'm now the one who gets blamed when things go wrong on Tuesdays."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

"Now, to continue our argument before we were interrupted..."

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

"Since I've gone over to roll-ups I find I can get by on just one cigarette a day!"

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."