Sarcastic Comment Collector Prints

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"Thank you. His passing was quite sudden."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Exciting potato bugs.

The transparent safe box of Panama

Redhead

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"White Collar Prison"

Honest Voting Stickers

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

'I never question your ability. I never even mention it.'

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"