Sarcastic Comic Lover Mugs

The role of administration.

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

Men working (part time).

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

"It floated. I want my money back."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

'I'm not saying I'm honest -- I'm saying that I'm afraid of getting caught!'

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

A guy who learned everything he needed to know in Kindergarten.

Know-it-alls

"Thank you all for attending this first conference of the surveillance camera recording industry."

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

I'm buying last year's car today with next year's money.

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'