Santa's Real Estate Adventures Pillows

'Now before you get all upset, I got ten percent above market value.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

Santa Claus's Mail

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

High security Santa's grotto

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

The stages of gentrification: a guide

Travellers with a developer: 'I see ski slopes.'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

Of course, the rent on the fourth floor is considerably higher.

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

'This year I'm deliverying everything FedEx!'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

Somewhere in France: "I thought I was buying goat cheese. I endedup with a chateau in the Loire."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

Santa CGI Effect

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'How do you think he stays so merry through the holidays?!'

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

"I want a pony!"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

'There really IS a Santa!' Santa busts pets eating his milk and cookies

'The owner plays in the NBA.'