Sales Strategy Buff T-Shirts

'Dickson, how many times do I have to tell you, don't start out with the price!'

'When I said that Sales is all about the Art of Persuasion I didn't expect you to start shouting at customers, ‘Buy it or my family will be out on the street!''

'He absolutely demanded a deal. But I was able to satisfy him by doubling the price and then cutting it in half.'

'I'm afraid your Unique Selling Point isn't pointy enough.'

Goals, yes, but don't forget bats, balls and sneakers.

"No physical is required."

"And this is where we began labelling our products 'plant-based'."

'Those Japanese have gone too far this time!'

Brick Salesman

"We balance our low pressure sales with a vigorous add-on department."

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

Larry's used art

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Gerald Ratner's return

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

Entertainment systems

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"