Safe Cracker T-Shirts

"Only thing he can't crack is why his wife would just up and leave."

Safe breaker's diagnosis

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

Boy whistling at crackers.

How The Ice Age Began: 'OK, can we freeze it right there...'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Do Not Enter and No U Turns

"Fortunately, Mr. O'Brien, a sucker's attorney is born every half a minute."

A parrot business meeting

C is for Cracker

'Not to worry, I've handled hundreds of cases like this and the way I see it, I'm bound to win one sooner or later.'

'...On the other hand - the examined life sucks too.'

Polly want a cracker?

'Polly had a cracker.'

Looking for the vaccine

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

'Halloween, Thanksgiving, and at last it's really you...the Big Enchilada!'

"Poor Sadie, this Pesach she finally cracked."

'The attorney will see you just as soon as you put this neck-brace on.'

'They agreed to settle out of court.'

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

'Tell me more about this strange man...'

'I don't care what everyone else is doing, Mr. Wilson, in my courtroom we don't use pepper spray.'

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

"I see. And precisely what methods did you use to determine that my client was a 'bad boy'?"

"Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law."

A third of the buck stops here.