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There Will Always Be Someone Kinkier Than Your Vanilla Ass

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Just be yourself."

2021

Remote control pirate bully

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

vaccine wars.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

A midwife holding a baby

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Lactose Intolerant

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."