Running Joke Savant T-Shirts

'After the big race the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

"Eat me"

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Higher wisdom...

'Listen Sonny, I don't want or NEED to get to the other side!'

"Amateurs."

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"So, if the Pope is pious, what kind of pie is he... apple?"

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Creating dummy corporations for dummies.

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

Every class has one. . .

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

'The pills stopped your depression but we may need to adjust the dosage, Sister Naomi.'

Pre-Minstrel Tension

'Igor, quit bugging me!'

"I hate this time of year."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'