Royalty Reviewer T-Shirts

'You can't keep blaming everything on the Mongol hordes.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

Knight Golfing

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

King George I

'You've made a powerful enemy'

Jack Gleeson

TV jester.

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

Czarcasm

"He's a guard dog."

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'The Burrito King.'

"She wishes to range free!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"