Royalty Advisor Pillows

Portable Red Carpet.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Knight Golfing

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

Czarcasm

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"He's a guard dog."

"It is we."

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

The Frog Prince

Princess Anne

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

'Scroll down for the good stuff!'

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

Jester Surgeon

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

'I screwed up royally!'

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"