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'If you cannot afford an undertaker, an undertaker will be supplied to you free of charge....'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

Charles entered wholeheartedly into the Royal image re-building.

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

"King of what, exactly?"

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

'It's nothing personal against you, Bobo -- it's just that Limbaugh is funnier.'

King reaching for an apple

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

'I'm afraid the only answer is a two-state solution.'

"It is not you. It is we."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

Palanquin Toilet Break

'Hey -- this guy says we can skip capitalism and go straight to state socialism!'

'First you drop hints - if that doesn't work, you drop bombs.'

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

'Scroll down, no sorry, scroll up...OK now scroll down again...'

'He doesn't reign so much as he drizzles.'

'I'm tired of foreign policy -- I think I'll go interfere in the economy for awhile.'

"You know it's just a name, right?"

"Who named him emperor!?"