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'If you cannot afford an undertaker, an undertaker will be supplied to you free of charge....'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

Charles entered wholeheartedly into the Royal image re-building.

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

King reaching for an apple

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

'I'm afraid the only answer is a two-state solution.'

"It is not you. It is we."

Palanquin Toilet Break

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

'Hey -- this guy says we can skip capitalism and go straight to state socialism!'

'First you drop hints - if that doesn't work, you drop bombs.'

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

'Scroll down, no sorry, scroll up...OK now scroll down again...'

"You know it's just a name, right?"

'I'm tired of foreign policy -- I think I'll go interfere in the economy for awhile.'

'That's Lady Erica the courtesan's courtesan.'

'He doesn't reign so much as he drizzles.'

"Who named him emperor!?"