Royal Observer T-Shirts

"They won't sign it unless you agree to a zero hours contract, your majesty."

'Excuse me for staring, but we don't get to see a lot of royalty around these parts.'

'So what else can you do, besides reign?'

"Where's the Sex Pistols when you need 'em...??"

"It says here... one is a racist... that is not so... many of the staff are brown!"

'He says he can't stand Princess Anne's hairdo any longer, Officer.'

Madame Tussauds updates its royal display...again!

'Jubilee Celebrations over; Corgis - please enter your pin.'

Nick Griffin banned from Queen's garden party.

'I'm going out to end the cycle of violence.'

'Cut off his head, but be compassionate about it.'

"Well, if you're going to wiretap your people you are going to hear things."

'There hasn't been an assassination attempt all week -- what are they up to out there?'

'They're not ants, Son — they're the private sector.'

'You all have sixty days to relocate -- I've decided to sublet the country.'

"Your Grandad went into royal service, he's a fireside rug in Buckingham Palace."

'Okay, I admit it - your conspiracy theory was right!'

"I think perhaps the Minstrel Show doesn't hit quite the right tone."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

British Prime Minister

"Are we there yet?"

Olly really didn't know his arse from his elbow.

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

A king and his paperwork.

State Budget.

"You may enjoy swimming with the dolphins, Howard, but do they enjoy swimming with you?"

'You've got to help my son, Doctor — he's joined a cult that crawls up on beaches!'