Royal Jelly Fan Pillows

"Oh believe me, I know full well the importance of nutrition: If I had been fed more Royal Jelly, I would be a queen now..."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

TV jester.

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

Photos of Queen Elizabeth II

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'The King of what?'

'Look, Carl, the glory days are over. You might want to slip into something a little more comfortable.'

'Yes, he definitely wants something. . . maybe his crown and scepter.'

King and Jester

Lunch Meet

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

Reign Man

"One blackbird pizza?"

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

'I don't know why I'm so unpopular - I haven't got a nasty bone in my body.'

"...and if any of you are opposed to my being king of the snake pit, raise your hands now!"

'You're going to make the railroads run on time? -- Since when do we have railroads?'

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

Beefeater

'And there he was shouting: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!'... I thought to myself: Why not...'

The Queen

'Anne Boleyn now regrets avoiding that Prenup Chit Chat with King Henry.'

'I told the jester he could take April Fool's Day off.'

''Proclaim freedom throughout the land'? -You're kidding, right?'

'When I accepted full responsibility, that was just a manner of speaking!'

DRINK LAFARGE'S ALE, 'He's trying his best to balance tyhe budget.'

Cleopatra

Canute Does It Again

"I suppose you're like me, only signed up for the free uniform."

'I don't know. Neo-monarchism sounds good...'