Rose-tinted Statistician Pillows

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

John Venn Speaks...' Just don't include me in an of those diagrams, if you don't mind.'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Granny with balanced pie chart

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

'Of students surveyed, 64% prefer English and 32% prefer math. The fact that these numbers do not add up to 100 may help explain why.'