Room Service Attendant Pillows

"As you know, all of our rooms have unique themes. Yours is Last Night's Guests."

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'What makes you think you know so much?' - 'Your questions.'

"Nap time."

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

'A room with double beds, please.'

I'm sorry, sir, but the fact-checkers convention isn't until next week. Hotel.

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

'Have you got a mirror, Doctor - He wants to see what he looks like?'

'My wife isn't really a morning person.'

'Even if I did know what SEO was - what's wrong with washing cars for a bit of extra pocket money.'

'Mary, I've got meetings all day so I'm going to be unable to have my scheduled happiness moment at 3:01. You have it for me, OK?'

"I'm so tired I can't think straight. Give me a room that's idiot-proof."

Excess Baggage: Anyone who thinks business travel is glamorous should have a talk with a business traveler.

"Good ephening."

"Redwood or oak?"

'Service Lift.'

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

'Medium well, please.'

'Our dog needs a bath too.'

"Yes, this is Mr. Kalen in Room 1510 – would you send up an Android version of the Gideon Bible?"

'Hello, Room Service? Send up the works!'

'I'd give it five minutes if I were you'

'Why do you keep watering it, Dad? - It's not going to grow larger!'

Lady to other: 'Not the screen, silly - you put the white-out on the CD!'

'Powerbrowse this and get back to me with a sentence-long synopsis.'

'Bad sign. The groom was asking if we had a sports channel.'

'Sanitized for your protection.'

"The worker shortage is real."

'Sooner or later we'll have to cross their picket line.' (Ladies and Gentlemen toilet signs on strike).

'Morning paper?' - 'No thanks, I like to fetch it myself.'

'Er, that's not a rubbish container, that's a classroom, Minister.'

"There's no need to keep calling to remind us, sir. You'll get your wake-up call at the time you specified. Understand? Now stop calling."

"Either it's a toad trapped in a cement mixer, or Tom Waits is ordering room service."