Right-wing Media Analyst Pillows

Tucker Ratings Gold

In the Guru District

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Press Freedom

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Studies show foods work miracles!

Skeptic Tank.

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

Fifty shades of Leveson.

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

Newspaper suicide.

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

"I'll never forget you."

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"