Reward Strategist T-Shirts

Dangling Carrots

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

"Carrots just didn't get me going anymore, so I switched to chocolate instead..."

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

'I brought in a big order and my boss gave me a feather for my cap.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

Monkey casino study.

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

Gracie's Halloween Candy Exchange.

'Isn't it how you learnt to swim?'

"We could add a wobbly seat and lid that the idiots, er, customers would think they have to replace - at a premium, of course."

"Good thing I listened to you and implemented the new strategy."

"Wow, you've got tons of loyalty points. Someone's a good boy!"

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"What do you get for the man who complains about everything?"

"I always choose immediate gratification over vague rewards at some unspecified time in the future."

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

'The object is to make money, not pay claims! Don't make me tell you again!'

'When life serves you lemons, make lemonade, then calculate your fixed and variable costs and add a reasonable markup in order to create a profit.'

"Next time, before buying expensive gifts, be sure there's enough money left to rent your own camels."

"Do I get the reward if I hand myself in..?"

"But a windfall tax would mean abandoning a zero carbon future."

"You said you wanted something really rewarding for your last wish so I made you a teacher."

Giftbags in Heaven and Hell.

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'