Retired Person T-Shirts

'Since he retired, it's been all play and no work, but he's STILL a dull boy!'

Food stamps: 'The boss said we didn't need a union, he'd take care of our retirement.'

'Harvest moon'

Helium Parachute

"So, what did you used to do?"

'Really? I wasn't aware AARP had a clothing line.'

'The golden parachutes are all gone. You'll have to settle for a golden lifejacket.'

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

'Your retirement should be fine if you have a short life span.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I grew sick of Madison Avenue,so I quit,bought the bar and never looked back.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Happy Retirement

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.