Retired Person T-Shirts

'Since he retired, it's been all play and no work, but he's STILL a dull boy!'

Food stamps: 'The boss said we didn't need a union, he'd take care of our retirement.'

'Harvest moon'

Helium Parachute

"So, what did you used to do?"

'The golden parachutes are all gone. You'll have to settle for a golden lifejacket.'

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

'Your retirement should be fine if you have a short life span.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Happy Retirement

"Death coach..."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Best Scapegoat

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'