Retired General T-Shirts

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"Hack back with all you've got!"

"World War III? Hmm. O.K., but, remember, nobody gets hurt."

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

Tattoos sagging with time

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

"Hon, where's the butter?"

"Me? A retired canine officer. They let me go when they found out I couldn't smell fear any more."

General's Coin Toss

"And this one is for being faithful to my wife."

'No. No. Don't bomb them now. Wait until morning, when the birds are singing and the air is alive with a sense of possibility.'

"Five minutes, General."

'Let the ball do the work, son.'

"Don't you think after thirty years of marriage you could stop referring to me as 'the military'?"

"I once loved a parade."

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

"Our nation hasn't been to war in a hundred years. Where the hell did we get all these medals?"

'I'm coping.'

'Geek computer hackers wouldn't have survived a week at MY West Point!'

General admission - Private showing.

General says, 'Gentlemen, no more war. Because of health concerns they've recalled everything that contains lead, like our bullets.'

"It's my draft notice. I need to report for duty June 4, 1965."

'General practitoner'

Bumper Stickers for Seniors.

"He's auditioning for a part in 'Conan The Octagenarian'."

"You could say I'm a war veteran. I'm a retired junior high teacher."

"I'm ordering curtains for our neighbor, the Retirement Home for Lawyers Without Briefs."

Old Man Boot Camp: 'Hoist those trousers up higher...'

Thousands of GPs volunteered to return to NHS

"I hope you've come home with something for your wind."

"How long has it been now, Mary, since I've been off the charts?"