Retail Experience Veteran T-Shirts

"Christmas shoplifting starts earlier every year."

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

How Amazon was invented

Early on-line shopping

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"Maybe this isn't the right heartless monolithic corporation for you."

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

SupermarketAwful Market.

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

'Our giant sale now on!'

After the Nordstrom-Nordstream Merger

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

Woman in bed with catalogue of worries.

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

"Returns"

"This one's a little more expensive, but she comes with her own reality show."

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

'A penny for my thoughts. Now accepting all major credit cards.'

"Sorry, I'm late. I didn't realize how much credit you had on your card."

"Sir, there are no waitresses or menus — this is Crate & Barrel."

"I'd like to make a return."

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

Woman impulsively buying a book about how to stop impulse buying.

"I always knew I was cutting edge - I've gone cashless my entire life."

Sold It All.

A building covered in signs reading 'boats'.

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.